I just did the single most inept job of wrapping a package in the entire history of ineptitude. I'll take it to the post office tomorrow, and if they don't laugh too hard, they might even put a stamp on it and let me mail it.
To the person who receives it: I was, I regret to say, too incompetent to actually gift-wrap the contents, so if you want to wait until Christmas to open it, you're probably going to have to leave it in the astonishingly bad outer wrapping.
If madness made us strong, we would all be invincible.